I don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the line, I grew up. I got married. I had kids. I got a "real job". I both took up smoking and 8 years later quit the habit. I bought a house. I've replaced a toilet. I've opened investment accounts. Yes, plural. Investment accounts. Made a bucket list and then proceeded to cross some things off it, as well as create new iterations of said bucket list.
Yes, I bought a house. Right smack in the middle of the city that I hate, but am now kinda obligated to attempt to love, or at least tolerate. The house kind of reminds me of a house you'd expect to find in Chicago, and I cannot even tell you why. It was built in 1905, so of course parts of it are kind of falling apart, or at the very least very old. But I really like it - well, except for the roof. The roof that is 30+ years old. The roof that was excluded from our homeowner's insurance but led the inspector to declare that I should have "a good five years on it yet"...well...maybe five years without a hailstorm, or maybe home inspectors count years differently than normal people do, because after a good hailstorm back in July, yes you guessed it. The roof leaks.
Shit.
That led me to make a bold move, as if the move to buy the house itself was not bold enough. And it's another little piece of evidence that I've grown up. I'm donning the red and khaki (although this time it's jeans at least until January), and working part-time at Target again, something I said 11 years ago (when I quit the first time) that I'd never do. And you know what? I actually now, like this job more than I like my day job. Maybe the fact that it's a secondary income and not my primary source of income has something to do with it, that I'm not depending on it to make a living. Maybe two years of working at home (and quitting smoking) has given me the dreaded "Anthem Ass". OK so it has. I've put on 46 pounds since I quit smoking in February of 2017. But it is a nice change of pace, and it's nice to get out of the house and make a little money while I'm at it.
So since I have no other good way of putting it, let's address the elephant in the room. I was (ostensibly) too busy "living my best life" (physical air quotes intended) to blog, which is why you haven't heard from me since March 7th...although further research tells me this is not the first time I've taken a hiatus of sorts. So now I'm back from outer space. You just walked in to find me here with that sad look upon my face. You should have changed that stupid lock, you should have made me leave my key, if you'd have known for just one second I'd be back to bother you yeah I went there. If you don't speak in song quotes from time to time we can't be friends.
And right about now I'm all about making friends.
I think in your teens and twenties you get cocky, and I know I'm not the first to come up with this theory. So I'll rephrase that. I agree, that in your teens and twenties you get cocky; you sometimes feel invincible. At some point, maybe it's sometime in your thirties, that cockiness mellows out. Now I'm not gonna lie and say I've got all my shit figured out because I'll be the first to tell you I'm a basket case. A lot of the things that bothered me when I first worked at Target don't seem to bother me anymore. I seem to be having more epiphanies lately, and if I can give myself the time to think about them and consider them, lead to a new worldview.
My worldview has evolved so much over the past 3 or 4 years, it's crazy. I've looked at old journals and such from way back in 2002-2005, and was just shaking my head at the (for lack of better words) drama queen I was. And that's not to say that I'm not still a bit of a drama queen (YAAAAAS HE WENT THERE). Needless to say, I burnt those old journals. That was an old part of me that needs to be left in the early naughties.
And so here we are. 2018 has definitely been the year we've been living our best life. I seriously credit all this to quitting smoking. If any of my readers smoke, do yourself the awesome favor and quit. I have such an addictive personality that years ago I said "what, me? Quit? Yeah right. Easier said than done." And it's true. But it's so worth it. SO worth it. But you have to want it. You need to be in that place that says you're ready.
But it's more than that. I've had the opportunity tonight, while zoning in Market, to stand back (I first typed that as "stank back" and laughed as I hit the backspace key) and take stock of the fact that 11 years and one week after quitting, there I was again, with a brand new attitude and outlook on life.
And I know that it won't put a roof on my house, but part timing it for now will bring in a little bit more income that will free up more to save for said roof. Ever since my "Financial Crash of 2012" (we'll just call it that), it's been nothing but baby steps to get to where I am today...and I'm not even fully there yet. (Where even is "there"?). But no matter what the situation is, it will get better. Time will move on, and you'll grow up.
And when you grow up, you'll probably lose your hair...or at least, I have. Yeah, that part of growing up sucks.
